There is a rather new phenomenon that has arisen among the young over the past 10 to 15 years or so, and which has rightfully sparked concern among parents. I am referring to sexting, the sending of sexually explicit digital images, videos, text messages, or emails, usually by mobile phone.
According to a meta-analysis published in 2018 in the paediatric edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association, “consensual sexting is becoming a more common practice among youth”, with 14.8% of youth sending sexts, and 27.4% receiving sexts. It added that “higher prevalence rates were found in more recent studies.”
This means it is likely these figures have risen further since then.
Vulnerability
Why do teens engage in sexting in the first place?
Often it boils down to a poor sense of self-esteem, resulting in them becoming more likely to succumb to pressure, whether from friends or romantic crushes, or even cyberbullying, into sending compromising pictures of themselves. Sometimes they do it to obtain some form of self-validation, to feel wanted, to feel accepted, to feel loved. Isn’t this a basic desire that is found in all of us — to be seen, to be wanted, to be loved?
Practical Steps
What can we as parents do to protect our kids from this?
For one, it is important, very important, to help them develop a good sense of self-esteem through appropriate and constant affirmation of their God-given worth and goodness. They need to know they are loved for who they are, not for what they can do. They need to know they are good, very good, that they are unique, indispensable, irreplaceable.
Second, talk to them regularly, from young and in an age-appropriate manner, about the various phenomena and dangers in the digital world. Keep these channels of communication open and safe, so that they feel confident in approaching us with any concerns they may have, or anything that may have happened to them, knowing that we are there for them, a source of information, wisdom and support they can turn to when needed. I find that having casual chats with them at their favourite cafe, fast food place, or ice cream joint helps them to relax and feel more at ease in talking to us about the things that are going on in their lives. Let’s try having these parent-child dates at least once a week.
Third, share with them stories that we come across in the media, about the consequences and problems faced from sexting. Besides it being against the law to send sexually explicit material, they must assume that every image or video of themselves will be seen by everyone else, including their friends, their teachers, and future employers. And these images may never, ever be erased from the internet.
Fourth, install filtering and accountability software in our children’s devices. Not so much to control what they do, but more so to protect them by preventing sexually explicit images from being sent or received. In addition, it gives us an idea as to what sites they have been surfing and what apps they have been using, which provides us with the opportunities to chat with them about their interactions with the internet and social media, again in a comfortable and safe setting.
Fifth, form them from young to respect the beauty and dignity of the human body. Like pornography, sexting violates the dignity of the person by making him or her merely an object of lust, to be used for our selfish gratification, rather than one to be respected and loved, being made in the image and likeness of God.
Calmly Respond
Now, what if they have already engaged in sexting? Well, as always, keep our calm, no matter how upset or frustrated we might be. Report it to the website or apps where the image is posted. Try to have it removed as soon as possible. If needed, report it to the police, especially if we suspect blackmailing, cyberbullying or harassment is involved.
No matter what happens, let us continue to support our children through thick and thin. The journey may not be the easiest for us. There will be pain. There will be tears, but our children are worth every bit of our blood, our sweat, our tears, just as Jesus gave every ounce of Himself to us on the cross. Sometimes it might help to engage other adults whom we and our children respect. If necessary, we may even consider bringing in professionals such as counsellors, psychologists and so on.
Finally, remember as always to pray and fast for our children. The challenges today are extraordinary, and we cannot do without God in our lives. Neither can our children.
Perhaps we could ask ourselves this question: have we affirmed our children enough so that they will feel less inclined to seek acceptance and validation elsewhere? Do we make it a point to love them for who they are and not merely for what they can do?