Episode 41: Protecting Our Children from Pornography

Many of us probably know the harmful effects of pornography on our children. It is a multi-billion-dollar industry that has devastated individuals, marriages, and families.

According to the American College of Paediatricians, “consumption of pornography is associated with many negative emotional, psychological, and physical health outcomes. These include increased rates of depression, anxiety, acting out and violent behaviour, younger age of sexual debut, sexual promiscuity, increased risk of teen pregnancy, and a distorted view of relationships between men and women.”

Voyeurism, taking upskirt photos, is a phenomenon that is becoming increasingly prevalent and worrying, and many, if not all, voyeurs have been heavy users of pornography too.

As parents, we cannot but be concerned about the negative impact of pornography on our children.

Yet perhaps the most objectionable aspect of pornography is how it causes us to regard people as objects for our own gratification rather than persons who, made in the image and likeness of God, are meant to be loved and not to be used.

As Pope St John Paul II said, “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.”

How prevalent is pornography among our children?

A survey in 2016 indicated that 91 percent of teenage boys and 35 percent of teenage girls in Singapore had watched or read sexually explicit materials within the previous year.

By now, the statistics are likely to be worse.

The ease of access to online pornography and the easy availability of digital devices has made it that much more difficult to protect our children from accessing its harmful content. I have often remarked to my wife how easy it would have been for me to go the wrong way if I were a teen in today’s world.

Practical Steps

What then can we do to protect our children from the scourge of pornography?

It won’t be easy, but our children are worth whatever it takes to help them live the meaning of their bodies according to God’s design; to help them appreciate and live human love in the divine plan.

Allow me to propose the following for your consideration.

1. We need a good parent-child bond. For this reason, I invite you to visit episodes 8 to 17 of this series, if you haven’t done so, where we discussed the ABCs of bonding with our children, and episodes 18 to 26 where we discussed the topic of talking to them about sexuality.
2. Affirm them of their goodness. God doesn’t make junk. They need to know they are good; they are unique, they are irreplaceable. And others are too, since we are all made in the image and likeness of God. This leads us to:
3. Show and teach them respect and love for others, from as early as possible.
4. Do not indulge their wants, always giving them whatever they want in an instant. It is important for them to learn delayed gratification, and gradually develop the virtue of temperance.
5. Set up filters and accountability software in our homes and devices.
6. Make use of teachable moments when these present themselves, e.g. when watching TV together and certain scenes pop up; reading newspaper articles with them; or observing events that have happened to people around us. These chats do not have to be long. They should be just enough to communicate the main message. Children learn better with frequent short chats, and not long chats that are far and few between.
7. Create a home environment that promotes open, honest and warm communication with our children from young. Provide them with a safe space that encourages them to share anything with us without feeling condemned. Remember, while we may provide an environment at home that filters out pornography, they are still in contact with friends and relatives outside who may not have the same level of protection. It is possible they might still be exposed in one way or another. This leads us to the next point.
8. Encourage them that should they come across pictures of nudity or people who are inappropriately dressed, in any form of media, they should guard their eyes, put these aside and let us know. When they do tell us, do not reprimand them, or they may never report this to us again. Instead, we thank them for bringing this up to us, then seek to understand the circumstances in which this happened, which is often accidental in the first instance, and even traumatic to their young eyes. Tell them that they should “give those persons their privacy” and that the private parts shown should remain private for that person, and not to be seen by others. Then let them know we are there to love them, support them, and journey with them, and share with them how they can avoid such exposure in future. It is always important to let them know we are there for them, and with them.
9. Be good role models for our children, in how we respect and regard others, how we look at women, how we love each other and people around us, and how we use our devices. Whatever we say and do in these areas, we can be sure our children are watching and learning.
10. Pray always for our children. I remember I was exposed to so many negative influences outside the home when I was young — bad company, friends who cracked obscene jokes whenever the opportunity presented. A neighbour who tried to introduce me to smoking. Gang fights that happened frequently enough downstairs from where we lived. I do not know how I managed to survive all these. I can only attribute it to my mother’s constant prayers for my siblings and me, and God’s abundant mercy and grace, no less.

It is God’s grace that will help us survive parenting in the digital era.