Episode 40: How to Protect Our Children Online

As a young child, I grew up with my family in a rented two-bedroom apartment in a rather rough neighbourhood. Some people called it the wild, wild west of Singapore at the time.

Fights occurred downstairs, and these were not infrequent. I remember the sound of glass bottles crashing late at night. I was told there were gangs in the area. We had good neighbours, but there were also some who seemed a little bit shady, and I remember one who tried to introduce me to smoking while I was still in primary school.

It was not the safest of environments, and I remember our parents laying down ground rules for us:

• we had to be back by a certain time before things became more dangerous at night;
• we could play with our neighbours, but only with those whom my parents knew and were comfortable with;
• our gate was locked all the time, and sometimes our door as well.
• we were not to enter certain neighbours’ homes without permission.

We knew these rules were put in place because our parents cared for us, and wanted us to be safe where we lived.

It is the same with the digital world. If we are not careful, and allow our children to be exposed to anything and anyone out there, the consequences could be severe, and dire, for them.

We need to lock our gates, lock our doors — double-lock sometimes — and put in place various measures to protect our children from the dangers that lurk in the internet.

Practical Steps

Allow me to share a few tips on the various levels of security that we can put into our homes, so that our children can enjoy the benefits of the internet as safely as possible.

At the first level is the internet service provider. Most, if not all, have various degrees of security that we can place on the content that enters our homes and devices. Check their websites and speak to their customer service officers to see what you can do to filter objectionable content at this level.

At the second level is the wireless router at home. Most if not all router systems today allow for the administrator, i.e. parents, to set a security level to filter content that we think is inappropriate for our kids, depending on their age.

At the third level are the devices that we and our children use — our phones, tablets, laptops, and so on. It is good to install some accountability software in these devices, whereby we can all be accountable to each other. Sure, as administrators, we can and should know what websites our children may be looking at, but it is good to let our children know the sites we have been surfing through ourselves. This demonstrates the concept of mutual accountability, that we are all accountable to each other in the family, and we are not merely exercising parental controls for the sake of merely restricting their enjoyment.

Other Devices

Then again, besides the devices that our family use, there is the possibility, or rather probability, that they might be using other devices that do not have the same protection as ours, such as those belonging to schoolmates, friends and relatives whom we might visit, and yes, grandparents too.

What can we do to protect them in such situations?

Here are some possible options:

1. Check with the friends and relatives whom we visit if they have those layers of protection that we have in our own household. If yes, good. If not, encourage them to install these. If they do not wish to do so, then we may want to advise our children not to use those unprotected devices.
2. If Grandpa and Grandma are not familiar with these layers of protection, perhaps we can help them with installing these in their homes and devices too.

Ultimate Guardian

Over and above all these measures to protect our children, perhaps the most important one is the parent-child relationship. As parents we want our children to feel secure and develop good self-esteem. We want to develop a good relationship whereby our kids are encouraged, and feel safe, to talk with us freely, with the assurance that they will not be slighted or condemned for sharing with us mistakes they might have made, or objectionable sites they might have stumbled upon.

Process this with them, find out how and why certain things might have happened the way they did, and discuss with them how we can avoid such situations in future. The underlying message we want to share with our children is this – we love you. You can turn to us if you encounter any trouble or you have any questions. We are here for you, and we want to help you. Let us journey through this together, with each other, for each other. Do this calmly. Is it necessary to do so? Yes. Easy? Not at all. Have I made mistakes myself? Absolutely! That’s why we are so totally dependent on God in our mission as Catholic parents.

This leads us to our final point. Remember always to pray for ourselves and our children. As with everything else, we cannot do anything right without God’s mercy, grace and guidance.

What I have outlined is only a very brief sketch of what we can do to protect our children online. To find out even more, I would like to encourage you to watch or listen to a podcast in which Jason Evert spoke with Chris McKenna about the various layers we can use to protect our children online. Chris is the founder of protectyoungeyes.com, a very good website which also has an app to help parents on this journey. I have provided a link to this podcast in below.

Let us ask ourselves if we would like to invest in measures to protect our children online, if we have not already done so. Is there anything else we should do?