Episode 27: Talking to Our Children About Masturbation

As defined by the Catechism, masturbation is “the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure.”

Many of us, if not all of us, instinctively know that masturbation is not right. But why so?

Selfless Gift vs Self-Gratification

1. As human persons, we are made in the image and likeness of God, Who is love. In fact, God exists as an eternal exchange of love in the Holy Trinity. Therefore:
2. Made in the image and likeness of the Holy Trinity, we too are made for loving communion.
3. How? As gift. Offering ourselves as a sincere gift to an other. And so:
4. As we can see, we are meant to be gift to an other, in and through our bodies.  As we are told in Gaudium et Spes, one of the major documents of Vatican II, we can only find ourselves, our meaning in life, our fulfilment in life, through a sincere gift of self.

Now we can see why masturbation runs counter to the meaning of our bodies. Rather than being gift to an other person, our spouse, we use our bodies instead for our own gratification.

Rightly ordered, we are meant to go out of ourselves and love as God loves in a life-giving gift of self. Masturbation, however, reverses the order. It inverts the orientation of the gift. It causes a disorder and distorts the meaning of our body. Which is also why the Catechism tells us that “masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.”

Succour for the Addicted

We must make it clear that we do not and must not cast judgment on individuals, only on the actions. Some individuals may have conditions that prevent them from understanding what they are doing and therefore may reduce their culpability. Some may have suffered sexual abuse in their younger days. The list can go on.

What is more, if we are to love as God loves, as we are indeed called to do, then we must find ourselves compelled to help these individuals in whatever way we can to overcome and avoid such actions, whether it is through seeking healing or helping them find morally right or at least morally neutral options, to divert their attentions when such temptations arise.

Strong Character

Here, it is clear why forming our children in virtues like temperance, fortitude, justice and prudence is so important. Once they are able to internalise and practise these virtues, it will definitely help them avoid and overcome vices, not just masturbation, but also others like pornography, casual sex, substance abuse and so on.