Episode 28: What If Our Children are Already Doing It?

If our children are already engaging in masturbation, they are unlikely to inform us of this themselves, but as parents who are supposed to know our children well, there may be some signs that might give us grounds for suspecting, and sometimes their siblings might just spill the beans on them.

If we know that our children are already caught in this trap, we should not feel completely helpless. There are at least six things we can do to help them.

First of all, pray for the Lord’s guidance as to what you should do. And I mean, really pray very hard for your children.

Secondly, do not scream or shout at them. Stay calm.

Next, communicate that you love them, no matter what. Now, love is not a fuzzy sentimental feeling that comes sometimes and goes away at other times. Rather, to truly love a person means to will the good of that person. What is the ultimate good for your child? To be with God in Heaven. How? By becoming like Him, and loving as He loves.

Following that, ask them, again calmly and lovingly, what may have tempted them to act this way. Was it stress? Boredom? Pornography? Refrain from interrupting them or just telling them off, as we parents are often tempted to do.
Really listen to them. Not just with your ears, but also with your heart. Let them know you are with them and for them. Let them know they can turn to you anytime they face challenges and feel tempted to do things that are not right. Let them experience your forgiving love, as the Prodigal Son experienced the love of his father.

If possible, share with them how you may have faced these temptations yourself, and what you did to overcome them. And encourage them to do the same. If you have fallen in the past, you may, after proper discernment and prayer, consider sharing with them in a way that helps them understand how they can pick themselves up too.

Finally, bring them to Jesus, our Divine Physician, in prayer. Encourage them and bring them often to the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist, the source and summit of the Christian life, as the Church tells us. Pray and fast for them. Only Jesus can heal, forgive, and empower us to live a life He has called us to live. And only He can then give us and our children a peace that the world cannot give. Without Him, we can do nothing.

In reflection: how can we form our children to be a gift to others around them, through word and example?