Episode 19: Sexuality Education – Preparing Ourselves for the Talk(s)

I remember when I first broached the topic of sex with my children. My eldest daughter was just about 8 years old when she asked me where babies came from. I decided to tell her the facts as they were. She was shocked, and ran off to her room to tell her 6-year-old sister what I said. Then both started crying on each other’s shoulders. I felt like an abject failure as a father-cum-educator.

As you can see, my mistakes were stark, most notably in the fact that I failed to prepare my children (and myself) for this “big” conversation in age-appropriate ways. This was largely due to my lack of preparation, as well as my lack of understanding and awareness of where they were, before I dropped the bomb.

Be Prepared

How can we prepare ourselves for this task of sexuality education?

Broadly, there are a few important ways:

1. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. We need our Lord to enlighten and guide us in what we are to say and how we are to say it, at different times and in different situations. This is not merely a human effort, but a spiritual battle. As St Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:12, “For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness…” On our own, we will lose the battle. But with Christ by our side fighting for us, we will win it. For ourselves and for our children. Remember to pray all the time, and especially say a little prayer before speaking with them on a topic like this.
2. Learn more about the topics we want to discuss with them. The Catholic Church has abundant resources and richness on these topics. The wisdom and truth of her teachings are just so rich and beautiful. Read more about them in the Church’s documents. We can also listen to various YouTube and podcast channels that share her teachings reliably and clearly. We have shared a few links here with this episode, as well as on our Resource page.
3. Strengthen our marriage. Let our marriage be a living witness to our children as to what true love is meant to be – a reflection of Christ’s love, self-sacrificial love, for His Church. For those among us who do not have our spouse with us for various reasons, let Jesus be our spouse. Strengthen our bond with Him, and let Him lead us, and our children, on this journey. We are not alone. He is with us, as individuals and as couples.
4. If you can, form a group with other like-minded parents to support each other on this journey. You could meet up with each other once a week or once a fortnight, pray together, reflect on a Bible passage together, and share with each other how your journey in this area of parenting has been. Do remember that when sharing, we should not be judgemental towards each other; neither should we jump in and interrupt when another person is sharing. Share tips and resources with one another – these should be taken from resources that are faithful to the constant teachings of Holy Mother Church. We have shared some resources on our website and with this YouTube and podcast.
5. Build a strong bond with our children. We covered these in earlier episodes, namely from episodes 8 to 17. Do refer to them if you have not done so.
6. Remember that sexuality education does not happen in one big talk, but all the time. It really happens from the very first moments of our children’s lives. How they see us love one another as Christ loves; how they see us regard and respect members of the opposite sex; how they hear us talking at the dining table and at family gatherings about related topics like premarital sex and modesty, and so on; how they witness us thanking God for the gift of life, for the gift of love, for the gift of children, for the gift of family in our prayers and our conversations. In that sense, sexuality education is happening ALL the time!

With these in mind, let us move forward in our journey. During the next episode, we will discuss the topic of sexual desire. Why do we have sexual desire? Is it good or bad? Can we have sexual desire and be chaste at the same time? We will discuss these questions and more.