Episode 17: Bonding Joyfully with Our Children

Let us imagine this scene.

Your family is preparing for Mass on Sunday morning. It is a peaceful morning. You’re becoming a little anxious because the time is getting rather tight. Then one of the younger kids starts acting up.

You get so frustrated that you lose it and start scolding him (or her): “Will you just stop it? We’ve got to go to church now! Stop it right now or I am going to give it to you when we come home from church!”

I suspect this is not an uncommon scenario in our families, mine included.

 

Chief Evangelisers

Now let’s ask ourselves this question. How inclined will our children be to bonding with us when we as parents lose our temper, or get impatient with them, or get easily upset with them at home? How attractive will our faith be to our children if we behave in this way when trying to engage them in some practice of the faith, such as gathering them for prayer or Mass?

I would think the answer would be “not at all”. Yet, as evangelisers of our children, we must, as Pope Francis once said, “not look like someone who has just come back from a funeral!” Our children, indeed all of us, are drawn to goodness, beauty and truth. And joy! Which is why we are drawn to people, events and things which exhibit these qualities, or help us experience these in one way or another.

 

Imago Dei

Why? Because, as we have mentioned before in our segment on the Theology of the Body, we are made in the image and likeness of God, Who IS truth, goodness and beauty. Not only are we made by Him; we are also made for Him.

Once we have found Him, we will find joy, joy in its purest essence, a joy that no one and no circumstance, no matter how adverse, can take away from us, as Jesus Himself tells us: “Your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” (cf. John 16:22)

 

More Than a Feeling

Let’s delve a little bit more into what joy truly is. Is it a kind of good feeling that we have when something good happens to us, like striking the lottery or when our children do well in their examinations, or when we are having a fun time at some party? Well, such an emotional state is highly dependent on external factors that make us feel “good”. But joy, true joy, goes a lot deeper than that.

“This joy,” as Pope Francis said, is “not just positive emotions or feeling cheerful.” (Homily, 16 April 2020)

Instead, “The Gospel’s joy [is] the joy of having been chosen by Jesus, saved by Jesus, regenerated by Jesus; the joy of that hope that Jesus is waiting for us, the joy that – even with the crosses and sufferings we bear in this life – is expressed in another way, which is peace in the certainty that Jesus accompanies us, is with us.” (Homily, 23 May 2016)

 

Abiding Through Suffering

Put in another way: it is ok to feel sad when something painful happens in the family. It is ok to grieve when a loved one passes on. These are normal human reactions and emotions. We cannot and must not deny them. Yet despite these pains, our faith in the infinite love of God, according to Pope St John Paul II, “transforms our lives and fills us with joy.”

When we experience this joy, it will show, it will be infectious, and it will be attractive to our children. When that happens, our children will be drawn to us even more, and through us, to Jesus, the source of that joy.

Finally, how can we continue to grow this joy in us? Pope St John Paul II tells us emphatically that true joy “grows through unselfish love.” In other words, joy grows through loving as Jesus loves. Is this easy? Not at all. We need God’s grace, because as St John Paul reminds us, this joy “demands unselfishness; it demands a readiness to say with Mary: ‘Be it done unto me according to Thy word’”. (Angelus, Adelaide, Australia, Sunday, 30 November 1986)

 

Summary

1. God is the source of our joy.
2. Our faith in His infinite love fills us with joy and transforms our lives.
3. Our joy grows through self-sacrificial love: for our spouse, our children, and others.
4. This joy that we have and show will draw our children closer to us, and through us, to God. Therefore:
5. Go and have fun with them! Enjoy good times with them, doing things together that they would enjoy. Cultivate a healthy sense of humour too, And share it with your kids. God is not a God of boredom, but a God of joy!

 

Reflection

How can I be more joyful in my disposition, in a way that can draw my children closer to me, and to God?

 

Next: Expert Interviews

We have now completed the foundational series of parenting for Catholic parents, as well as the ABCs of connecting with our children. With these as our base, we are now ready to move on to more specific areas such as sexuality education and managing the use of social media and the internet, and so on.

Before that, I would like to share with you three interviews we had with various experts. The first is an interview with Dr Penny Tok, a clinical psychologist in private practice, during which we speak about anxiety and self-harm in children.

We follow this with an interview with Dr Jennifer Kiing, a senior consultant paediatrician at the child development unit of the National University Hospital. In that interview, we speak about how we can help our children flourish.

Our third interview is with Mr Bryan Shen, a much sought-after speaker and counsellor/psychologist who speaks with us on the psychology and importance of affirmation.

These interviews are a fitting way to round up what we have discussed so far in our earlier episodes. After these three interviews, we will begin the next mini-series on this channel: sexuality education.