Episode 16: Integrity
As parents, we know how sharp our children are in detecting whether we are walking the talk at home. That is why integrity is so important if we are to earn their trust and respect, and through this, bond with them ever more deeply.
Not only is integrity necessary for our connection with our children, it is also indispensable for our children’s future and flourishing.
This episode discusses how integrity can help in these aspects, and how we can we role model and cultivate this virtue in our children.
Listen as a podcast:
In the previous episode, we shared about the importance of honesty in connecting with our children. In this episode, we will share about another quality that is closely related to it, though it probably covers a little bit more than that. I am referring to the “I” of connecting with our children – integrity.
What is integrity?
Integrity comes from the Latin word “integer”, meaning whole or complete. In the context of our discussion today, it refers to the wholeness and soundness of character, when our behaviour is consistent with what we believe in; when what we believe in is grounded on right principles, principles that are in accord with the virtues. When we have this integrity of character, we will do what we should do, even when no one is looking at us.
Why is integrity important?
Well, it is important on two counts: for our children and for ourselves.
- For our children, it builds their character, confidence, resilience, and self-esteem, and help them make the right decisions in life, decisions which will most certainly help in their flourishing as persons made in the image and likeness of God.
- As for ourselves, having integrity will go a long way in earning their trust and respect, and this will help us greatly in our efforts to transmit the right values to them.
How do we teach integrity?
- As mentioned before many times, we role-model it, and lead by example.
- Be clear and specific with our reasoning. For example, we could say something like “The elderly lady standing there in the train might lose her balance and fall. Let’s give her our seat so she can be safe, okay?”
- Seize teachable moments and opportunities to bring up examples of good conduct. For example, we can bring up good examples from the newspapers or social media feeds, or we can intentionally choose good books which are age-appropriate and which help teach them virtues such as generosity and sensitivity, and so on.
- Affirm positive behaviours in our children, and process with them when they make mistakes. But remember – do it gently while being firm at the same time.
When we make mistakes
Let’s be honest. We mess up sometimes, don’t we? Myself included.
Please don’t engage in self-condemnation when this happens. Let’s take parenting as a journey: a journey of ups and downs. We are not perfect. While this is true, we must remember that we are called to continue to strive to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect, as Jesus tells us. But only with His grace, without which we can do nothing.
When we do make mistakes, it is important that we should acknowledge them, and ask for forgiveness, from God and from our family, when that happens. When our kids see that, they will appreciate our honesty, and be motivated to do the same when they make mistakes themselves. Remember, honesty is a very important aspect of integrity too.
Personal Experience
Allow me to share something that happened in my family.
We were preparing for the first day of school in January this year. It was exciting as three of our grandchildren were going to school, two of them for the first time.
As part of the safety measures due to the Covid-19 pandemic, parents accompanying their kids to school had to take an Antigen Rapid Test on that same morning, take a photograph of it and show it to the staff before they were allowed to go in.
Someone jokingly said they could just do the test the day before and take a picture of that one to show. To which our daughter said, “No. We will do it as requested, on that same morning, even if we’re in a rush. It’s a matter of integrity.”
Thank God she said that, because the children were all around the dining table, listening to every word we were saying. They may not have understood everything, but I am sure they would, in time.
Whoever can be trusted with small things can also be trusted with big things. Whoever is dishonest in little things will be dishonest in big things too. ~ Luke 16:10
Summary
- Integrity is important for connecting with our children, and for their flourishing.
- To nurture integrity in our children, we need to talk the right walk, and walk the right talk. Always relying on God’s grace, wisdom, and direction to do so.
Ponder this question: “Which areas of my life need healing from our Lord, so that I can live a life of integrity, and teach my children to do the same?”
In the next episode, we will talk about the importance of joy in connecting with our children.