Episode 15: Honesty

One of the most important ingredients for any human relationship is honesty.

This is especially true between husband and wife; between parent and child.

 

Foundation of Trust

There are many reasons why we as parents should model and teach honesty to our children, and I will list just a few of these here.

1. We want our children to grow up to be trustworthy people. Without this virtue of honesty, their future will be in serious jeopardy, whether as students, colleagues, employers, spouses, or parents. Our children must learn that once trust is broken, it is often very difficult to earn it back. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.
2. The communion of persons, the mutual self-gift of one to another, can only be meaningful and fruitful if there is absolute honesty between them. In our case, the parent-child relationship must be built on a firm foundation of trust. Without honesty, there will be no trust. Without trust, the relationship cannot grow, and we will have lots of difficulty passing on values and inculcating the virtues that we know are for their own good.
3. When we are honest with our children, and earn their trust in so doing, they are more likely to turn to us with questions about life, love and God as they grow older, rather than just turn to their friends or the internet for their answers.

 

Instilling this Virtue

How can we cultivate this virtue of honesty at home? The answers might seem obvious, but we will be surprised at how often we overlook these.

1. Be a role model in honesty, just as with all the virtues. Be truthful in whatever we say to our children, to each other as spouses, and to others. It will be easier for them to learn honesty, indeed any virtue at all, when we model it for them. Is this necessary? Yes. Is it easy? Not at all. That’s why we need God’s grace and help – always!
2. If our children ask us a question that we do not have the answer to, just tell them that we do not know, and better still, try to search up the answer and let them know once we have found it.
3. Apologise as soon as we realise we have said something wrong, even if it is due to an honest mistake or unawareness of the truth earlier. This shows our kids how much the truth matters to us.
4. Affirm honesty in our children whenever we can. For example, when a child owns up to a mistake or misdeed, we should thank him for his honesty and affirm his  courage in speaking the truth. It also helps if they know that, by being honest, the disciplinary measures meted out would be a lot less severe than if they had not told the truth. Of course, we still need to process their misdeed with them, but at least they know that honesty is still the best policy, and much appreciated and treasured in the family.
5. Now, while we want to be honest, it is imperative that we should not be brutally so. For example, even if we have an issue with our daughter’s dressing, it would be totally imprudent to tick her off in front of her friends. Instead, we wait for a separate time when we can be alone with her, so we can share our thoughts on why we felt her dressing was not appropriate, out of earshot of others. We will be covering more about topics like this in a later miniseries on chastity and sexuality education. While we want to love our children truthfully, it is equally important to tell them the truth lovingly.

How can we do this? Once again, let us turn to Jesus, the Way, the Truth and the Life. He will show us the way to speak the truth in a life-giving manner.

 

Summary

1. Honesty is important for the parent-child relationship
2. We need to teach, model and affirm honesty, and
3. It is Jesus whom we must turn to help us in this role as parents, always.

In the next episode, we will talk about the importance of integrity in our connection with our children.