Episode 23: Talking to Our Children About Sexuality – Pre-school

In our earlier episodes on talking to our children about sexuality, we shared about putting the important foundations in place first before this could happen. Namely, having a good connection with them and forming them in the virtues and the faith.

In this episode, we will discuss how we can initiate this talk, or rather these talks, with our children from the time they are born to the age of 5 years or so.

 

The Principles of Engagement

Here are a few important principles to guide us.

1. As parents, we are the first and foremost educators of our children, in all areas of their lives, including sexuality education.
2. We form them not only by word, but very importantly by example. If we want our children to live their lives according to God’s plan, we must show them that we do that too – through our prayer lives, through how we respect and love each other as husband and wife, and through how faithful we are in following the Church’s teachings on sex and love in our marriage.
3. Develop good communication with our children, based on honesty, openness, and trust. We should be approachable and try to be gentle and calm always, so that they can be more confident in asking us questions and confiding in us. Try our best not to appear awkward, no matter how funny or uncomfortable their questions and comments may be. Otherwise, they may be less open with what they may want to ask or share with us in future.
4. We need to be age-appropriate in how we talk with our children at different stages of development, because it is imperative to engage them at a level that they can understand and are comfortable with. Every child is different. As parents who should know our children well, we should be able to know what they are able to understand, and handle, at different stages of their lives.
5. Remember to pray always and entrust our children and our endeavours to our Lord.

 

Talking to The Young Ones

Now that we have gone through the principles of engagement, how do we actually go about talking with our young kids about sexuality?

1. Affirm them that they are beautiful and special, made in the image and likeness of God. And let them know everyone else is special too.
2. Show and teach them respect and love for others.
3. Celebrate marriage as a beautiful bond. Celebrate your anniversaries, go for your date nights when you can. Show them, and tell them, how much you mean to each other. Let them see how you love one another, how you forgive each other, how you treasure each other. Develop in them a sense of awe, a sense of admiration for marriage as a God-given institution to raise a family.
   However if your spouse is not with you for whatever reason, whether through death, divorce or separation, be not afraid. You can still enlist the support of others such as close friends and relatives. Most importantly, turn to Jesus. You can still guide your children well, with prayer and trust in God’s grace, with Christ by your side, as well as our Blessed Mother’s prayers.
4. Celebrate God’s wonderful work of creation in pregnant ladies and babies whenever we see them. Praise God for them!
5. Teach them the proper names for their body parts e.g. penis, vagina and so on. Once they get used to it, they will not be uncomfortable when we talk to them using these words. It was quite funny when our grandchildren aged 2 to 4 recently learned about the proper words to use for their genitals. Their first project after that? They discussed, and even argued with each other, who in the household had a penis and who did not.
6. Stress the importance of modesty. Affirm them that they are beautifully made and special, and their private parts should remain private and should not be exposed to others. Let them know they should tell you if anyone else touches them inappropriately there. One more thing – even at this age, it is good to get them used to wearing clothes that protect their modesty, and continue to affirm their beauty in these. This affirmation of their innate goodness and beauty, coupled with your unconditional love for them, will make it that much easier to continue cultivating the virtue of modesty as they grow older.
7. Do not indulge their wants, giving them whatever they want in an instant all the time. It is important for them to gradually learn delayed gratification. For example, they can have their candy only after they have completed their meal properly, or only on certain days. Another way is to practise abstinence together as a family, regularly. Simple abstinence from ice cream or food that they like on certain days e.g. on Fridays, can also be a way of inculcating temperance in children of this age group.
8. Make use of teachable moments when these present themselves e.g. when watching TV together and certain scenes pop up, reading newspaper articles with them, or observing events that have happened to people around us. These chats do not have to be long. They shouldn’t be. Just long enough, or rather short enough, to communicate the main message. They need frequent chats of this nature, and not one long, long chat. This will go a long way in forming our children well.

 

Summary

For all that we have shared in this episode, allow me to summarise it thus:

1. Sexuality education takes place from the very first moments of our children’s lives, and it takes place all the time.
2. Our channels of communication with them must be open and loving so that they know they can come to us whenever they want to, and with whatever they have in mind.
3. Show them God’s plan for love and marriage in our family, in a way that they will want it for their own in future.
4. Never forget to pray and entrust our mission to our Lord, the source of life and love.

Perhaps for our reflection at the end of this episode, let us ask ourselves: how can I foster an environment at home whereby my children can experience the fruits of following God’s plan, such as love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness? Which will in turn lead them to be more comfortable and confident in sharing their thoughts and feelings with us?

In the next episode, we will share about how we can talk about sexuality to children from about the age of 6 to 9 years of age.