Episode 22: Empowering Our Children for Chastity

In our previous episode we shared what chastity is really about, and why it is the goal of sexuality education. We ended that episode by stating that to strengthen our children in the virtue of chastity, we need to cultivate the moral virtues: temperance, justice, fortitude and prudence. As the catechism tells us, chastity flows from, and is strengthened by, these virtues.

We need temperance to control and manage our desires correctly. We need justice to give our beloved his or her due, which is to be loved, and not used. We need fortitude to do what is right even when others are not doing so and we find ourselves going against the current; and we need prudence to know what to pursue and what to avoid, and when to do so.

How do we help our children develop and strengthen these virtues?

 

Justice

According to the catechism, justice consists in the constant and firm will to give our due to God and neighbour. When we give God His due, we give Him right praise and worship, in and through our bodies, the temple of the Holy Spirit.

As for teaching justice due to others, we can start by invoking the golden rule from the time our children are young. From my own experience, they can start developing a fairly good idea of this from about the age of two. We could teach them, for example, by saying, “Oh dear, why did you grab that toy from your brother, or sister? How would you feel if they did the same to you and grabbed the toy from you that you were playing with?” All the time with a firm but gentle and loving tone.

Not only will justice inform them how they should regard others – it will also empower them to know how they themselves should be treated by others, with respect and not as objects, to be loved and not to be used.

 

Temperance

Temperance is a virtue that helps us master our bodily passions and desires and direct our actions to what is good. If we think about it, if a child does not learn how to say no to sweets and chocolates, how do we expect them to say no to sexual sins when the temptations inevitably come?

How can we form them in this virtue? By teaching them to say no to excesses and practise delayed gratification, whether in food or pleasure. For example, we can be firm with them about having a proper meal first before their desserts (which too must be in moderation). We could also let them know there is a limit to the cookies that they can eat each time and each day, and set a limit to screen time every day, based on paediatric guidelines for the age group our kids are in. We will discuss more of this in a later series on managing social media and screen time.

Moreover, the practice of fast and abstinence on a regular basis, as prescribed by the Church, can be a very good and powerful way for our kids to learn this virtue from us too, both by word and example.

 

Fortitude

Fortitude ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy to choose the good despite trials and tribulations. It will help our children stay strong despite peer and societal pressures. In order to do this, they will need a healthy sense of self-esteem, which we have covered in earlier foundational episodes on affirmation and connection with our children.

 

Prudence

Prudence helps us discern the right thing to do, and the right means to achieve it. In fact, it has been referred to as the mother of the cardinal virtues because it helps us practise those virtues to seek the good in the right way, and often at the right time.

How can we help our children develop prudence? Again, by modelling and teaching it. We could express verbally how we came to making certain decisions in our lives, even in our everyday lives such as why we decided to have our family dinner at a particular place. Perhaps it was because the restaurant was in a safer part of town, or perhaps the price was a lot more affordable for the same quality and quantity of food, and so on.

As they grow older, we could also ask them questions to help them process their thoughts in an age-appropriate way, and guide them to making good decisions that they can take responsibility and be accountable for.

 

The Moral Life

Now while these moral or cardinal virtues that we have just discussed are good and indeed necessary to help our children live chaste lives, there will come a point, or probably many points in their lives when they will ask, “But why must we live virtuous lives in the first place?”

For any project to be successful, we must begin with the end in mind. As we discussed in an earlier episode on discipline, the goal of a virtuous life is to be like God, the source and meaning of our lives. It is only then, when we participate in God’s life and can love as He loves, that we will find true happiness.

This is where the theological virtues of faith, hope and love come into the picture. We will discuss these theological virtues more in a later episode on faith formation.

For now, suffice to say that it is through faith that our children will believe in the God who created us in love to participate in His divine life in Heaven.

It is through hope that our children will have the motivation to live the virtues in anticipation of their final destiny – Heaven.

It is through charity, or love, that they will be able to perfect themselves in the virtues, so that they can love as God loves, always working for the good of others – for the sake of justice, through temperance, with fortitude, and guided by prudence.

 

Summary

1. The moral or human virtues of justice, temperance, fortitude and prudence are good and indeed necessary to help our children live chaste lives;
2. These virtues must be strengthened, enlivened and perfected by the theological virtues of faith, hope and love.

Ponder this question: How can I strengthen my children in the virtues, so that they can be empowered to be chaste?

In the next episode, we will discuss a bit more of the finer details of how we can speak with our children about sexuality.