Episode 21: Chastity – Same as Celibacy?
The word “Chastity” has been very much misunderstood in our culture today. It is often seen as a repression of our innermost desires, with a list of prohibitions preventing us from satisfying the deepest yearning of our hearts for love and union. It has even been equated to celibacy, and therefore reserved only for priests, religious and singles. Yet, properly understood, it is anything but that.
Chastity is not merely about saying “no” to sex. Chastity is about saying “yes” to God’s plan for our sexuality.
This episode explores what this entails, and how it actually frees us for authentic love in all its splendour and beauty.
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What kind of husband would we like our daughter to marry? Or what kind of wife would we want our son to marry?
I would venture to think that we would like their spouse to be kind, generous, just, prudent, able to exercise self-control, and self-sacrificing. In a sense, we would like our child’s spouse to love him or her as Christ loves each and every one of us.
That is also what we should aim for our own children to be like, so that they too can love their future spouses as Christ would love. In other words, we would want our children to be strong in the virtues, and chaste. This is the goal of sexuality education.
But what is chastity?
True Love
The word “Chastity” has been very much misunderstood, and even ridiculed, in the culture of today. It is often seen as a repression of our innermost desires, a list of prohibitions preventing us from satisfying the deepest yearning of our hearts for love and union. Yet, properly understood, it is anything but that.
As the Catechism tells us, Chastity is a virtue.1 It is a firm and stable disposition to love as God loves, in a total gift of self, in all our masculinity and all our femininity. In other words, chastity is a virtue that frees us for authentic love.
Now, we might ask, what is freedom?
Free to Love Well
Many of us think that having freedom means having the licence to do whatever we want. Yet, St John Paul II explains to us that true “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.”2
In other words, having the right to do right, liberated from the constraints of our sinful selves in order that we can love as God loves. You would remember the example we brought up of the concert pianist in our episode on discipline. How she exercised her freedom to practice on the piano for hours on end, even making many sacrifices in doing so, such that in the end, the music that she freely plays is so magnificent and beautiful that it can lift us up to the heavens.
Extrapolated to the realm of chastity, it would mean that we practise authentic love regularly, consistently, in such a way that we will in time achieve true freedom to love properly and effortlessly. And the love that we give, will be so beautiful it will lift our beloved to the heavens, where we are all called to be in the wedding of the Lamb.
Universal Virtue
Is chastity only for priests and religious? And singles? Absolutely not. The virtue of chastity is for everyone, married or unmarried. Chastity is not merely about saying “no” to sex. Chastity is about saying “yes” to God’s plan for our sexuality.
It is a virtue that frees us for authentic love, and helps us make a sincere gift of self to others, according to the state of life we are in. How?
SINGLES live out this virtue by being a loving gift to people around them. They avoid sexual intercourse which is reserved for those who are married, since sexual intercourse is essentially the consummation and renewal of a couple’s wedding vows.
CONSECRATED CELIBATES forego marriage, and thus sexual intercourse, not because it is bad, but by forgoing this good, they are able to give themselves to God alone, the highest good, with a total and undivided heart, mind and body.
And MARRIED COUPLES are also called to chastity in marriage. They do this by loving each other as God loves in and through their bodies, giving themselves exclusively to each other “till death do they part”, as they promised each other in their wedding vows. The 4 aspects of their wedding vows, that is to love one another freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully, are consummated and renewed, in and through their bodies, every time they engage in conjugal intercourse.
Can chastity be mastered once and for all? The good news is that with God’s grace, we can master our impulses and direct them to the good. The possibly not so good news is that we can never consider chastity acquired once and for all during our earthly life, for it presupposes renewed effort and fortitude, and may I say prayer too, at all stages of life, as the catechism tells us.3 We have seen so many examples of lives around us, and even in our own lives, when we fall, especially when we think we have made it and in our pride fail to turn to Christ continually for His saving grace and help.
Summary
- Chastity is the goal of sexuality education, because it is a virtue that frees us to love as God loves, in a total gift of self, in and through our bodies, in all our masculinity and all our femininity;
- Chastity is for everyone;
- We need Christ’s grace and mercy to help us master chastity, all the time!
By now you are probably asking, “Chastity may be the goal of sexuality education. But how can we help our children attain this goal?”
To do that we must form our children in the moral, or cardinal virtues, namely, temperance, justice, fortitude and prudence. Why? Because chastity flows from, and is strengthened by, these virtues. How?
We will share more about this at the next episode, as we continue our journey in sexuality education.
For our reflection today, let us ask ourselves, “In what areas of my life do I need Jesus to help me in, so that I can live the virtue of chastity in a way that will be liberating for me and a witness to my children?”
2 Pope St. John Paul II, 1995, Homily in Baltimore, MD.
3 “Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life.” (CCC, 2308)
Resources
What Chastity Actually Means, Christopher West, Theology of the Body Institute.
Chastity Advice that Actually Works, Ascension Press.
“As we will later observe, virginal and married love are the two forms in which the person’s call to love is fulfilled. In order for both to develop, they require the commitment to live chastity, in conformity with each person’s own state of life. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, sexuality “becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and mutual lifelong gift of a man and a woman”. Insofar as it entails sincere self-giving, it is obvious that growth in love is helped by that discipline of the feelings, passions and emotions which leads us to self-mastery. One cannot give what one does not possess. If the person is not master of self — through the virtues and, in a concrete way, through chastity — he or she lacks that self-possession which makes self-giving possible. Chastity is the spiritual power which frees love from selfishness and aggression. To the degree that a person weakens chastity, his or her love becomes more and more selfish, that is, satisfying a desire for pleasure and no longer self-giving.”
– “The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality” – Guidelines for Education within the Family, The Pontifical Council For The Family, 8 December 1995, n.16