Today we discuss what we can share with our children when speaking about abortion from the pastoral point of view.
While the act of direct abortion is to be judged as absolutely wrong and can never be justified in any way, Jesus never fails to remind us that we should not judge persons. We too are sinners ourselves. It is one thing to condemn an action; it is quite another to condemn those who go through an abortion.
What we are called to do instead is to accompany and support them on the journey in a way that will help them experience Jesus in us, and see the viable options other than abortion, options that choose life over death, love over fear.
Pregnancy Support
In my 30-plus years of medical practice, what I have witnessed is that when patients are given the support to choose life-giving options, whether it is to adjust their lifestyles and expectations, or manage their finances differently, or perhaps even give their child up for adoption, they will almost invariably choose life. Never in all my practice has anyone come back to me and said they regretted bringing their child to term after making that decision for life.
I remember some time ago, a lady came to me asking for a referral to abort her child as she and her husband were already up to their neck with their several older children, and finances were terribly tight. I could sense the fear and anxiety in her voice. I inquired about their situation, and invited her husband into the consultation room, with her permission.
I shared with them the medical aspects of abortion and the stage of life their child was at. Then we explored the various options available to them. At the end of the consultation, the husband decided against aborting their child, and said he would support his wife through her pregnancy. When the wife heard this, she immediately said yes to his proposal. You could sense the relief and delight in her disposition.
So they carried on with their pregnancy.
Some time later, the couple came back with their baby to see me, and they said to me something I have not forgotten till today. “Doctor, do you remember us? This is the baby we gave birth to. He is such a joy to the family. The older siblings are just so happy with him and can’t stop fussing over him. We can’t imagine what life would be like without him. Thank you. Thank you so much, doctor!”
As it turned out, the husband had given up smoking to save more money for the family expenses, and taken up an extra job to support the family.
This encounter taught me how important it was to support a woman so that she can be empowered to make life-giving choices that she will not regret later in life. There were other examples that I came across, but the one I just shared remains vivid in my memory.
Feminine Strength
Of course, I must acknowledge that not all situations are the same, and different women will have different challenges, very different challenges. But I believe this one fact is common to all — given the right information, given the right support from family, loved ones and society, every woman who carries a child within her will want to exercise her maternal instinct within herself, an instinct so wondrous and so distinctively a part of the feminine genius (a genius which of course includes so many other beautiful and powerful qualities of women that I have seen in my mother, my wife, my sisters and my daughters).
I’m fine with needles so long as they don’t touch my skin. My wife is different. She can tolerate needles; she can endure pain, much better than me. Once when she was carrying our daughter down a staircase, she missed a step and fell. In that instant, she instinctively turned herself around so that her own body would cushion our baby and take the full impact of the fall instead. Till today, I continue to marvel at this self-sacrifice and other incredible qualities that my wife and indeed, so many women show in their families and in society.
Support Network
For women who are more challenged by life circumstances, such as single mothers, and that includes teens too, we can refer them to the appropriate counsellors and support centres. Some links to these resources are included below. As mentioned before, it is so important to bring in and gather whatever support we can around them — spouse, parents, family, loved ones — so that they will not feel alone or abandoned in their hour of need, and know that they have choices available to them — life-giving choices that they will not regret later in life.
What about those who have undergone an abortion? Once again, it is not our job to condemn any person, but to love as Christ loves, and to bring them to Him who heals. Let us offer them our listening ear, and heart. Pray for them, pray with them if they permit, and accompany them as Christ would in truth and in love.
If they are Catholic, encourage them to seek the sacrament of reconciliation, and return to the sacramental life of the Church.
There are also resources we can refer them to for further support if they need it, such as Rachel’s Vineyard, a support group for parents (both mothers and fathers) who have undergone the painful experience of abortion and wish to heal from it.
Remember this adage: “Love the mother, so that we can love them both.”