Episode 13: Forgiveness
Many of us have suffered from, and possibly even contributed to, the wounds that have hurt ourselves and our children. Often we have found much difficulty in finding reconciliation, healing and peace within ourselves and our families.
Yet we know for a fact that forgiveness is absolutely necessary if these wounds are to be healed, and for us to reconnect again with our spouse and children. But is this really possible? How can we go about doing this? Or should we just let time heal all wounds?
Join us in this episode as we share about the importance of forgiveness in bonding with our children and of course our spouse.
Listen as a podcast:
There is an old adage that says: “Time heals all wounds.”
Is this true? For many of us, I’m sure reality and experience tell us otherwise. For if it were true, then the whole world should be a very peaceful place indeed. Which unfortunately, as we know, it is not.
The fact is when hurts are unresolved, they tend to accumulate and put ever more strain on a relationship as time goes on. Every time we feel hurt by someone, old wounds reappear and grow even deeper, if forgiveness is not sought or given.
Through God’s Eyes
This is why St Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, exhorts us to “forgive each other as soon as a quarrel begins”. Because it is only when we forgive as God forgives, when we love as God loves, when the peace of Christ reigns in our hearts and our families, that we can become a communion of persons, in the image and likeness of God.
(Colossians 3: 13-15)
How easy is it to forgive? After 30 years of marriage, I assure you it is not difficult. It is impossible! Especially when the hurts are deep and allowed to fester. This is why we need to pray, asking for God’s grace and mercy to flow through us to each other, in order that we can forgive. We cannot do it on our own human steam. No way!
Healing & Restoration
When we do allow God’s grace to help us forgive, we will find it very healing for ourselves and for our families.
As St John Paul II said:
― Message of His Holiness Pope John Paul II for the Celebration of the XXX World Day Of Peace, 1 January 1997
Pope Francis chipped in with some practical advice too. He said:
― Pope Francis, General Audience, 4 November 2015
Extending Grace
Very often, when there has been a misunderstanding or hurt inflicted, we tend to expect the other party to ask for forgiveness first. Sometimes we even seem to enjoy making them sweat for it.
As Catholic parents, perhaps we should be the ones to initiate the process of forgiveness. Make a simple statement like, “I am sorry for having hurt you by doing this or saying that. Will you please forgive me?”
Yes, our children might have said or done something first that hurt us. But if we examine ourselves deeper, quite often, if you are like me, our reaction might have been equally, if not more hurtful, to them too.
Role Model
When we make the first move in reconciliation out of love and humility, it provides a massive, massive example for them to emulate. It not only demonstrates to our children the importance of reconciliation in our family relationships, but also shows them how important they are to us, that it is more important to reconcile than to be right all the time; and, to some extent, shows them what the forgiving love of God the Father is like.
Summary
- Forgiveness is essential for family life
- We need to pray and ask for God’s grace and mercy to forgive
- As parents, we want to be an example of reconciliation for our children by initiating the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Let us reflect on St Paul’s advice to us in his letter to the Ephesians:
never let the sun set on your anger,
or else you will give the devil a foothold”
(Ephesians 4:26- 27)
During the next episode, we will discuss the importance of having God at the centre of our family life.
Resources
- The Power of Forgiveness: How Lives Are Changed and Transformed, National Catholic Register, 23 October 2020.
- Forgive us our debts, Pope Francis, General Audience, Wednesday, 4 November 2015.
- Forgiveness, Father Mike Schmitz, 8 July 2015.